i thought it was a good thing to get ride of all the 'floosies' i used to mess with, the boys i played with, the hearts i used to manipulate. but without them, i just feel some fucking zombie who feeds on guys. without affection, sexual attention & compliments, i just feel so empty. so shallow. its feels like being really thirsty & drinking from a empty cup.

it absolutely fucking sucks to still like & be drawn towards someone who makes you feel like a complete idiot & extremely shitty. its back to me being one heartless motherfucker. people never change.

lately I feel like im trying to impress somebody, so I am more likely to laugh harder & throw my arms up in wild gestures that makes me question who this body really belongs to. who am I even thinking of? Its as if an imaginary potential friend is constantly in my presence, ready to smile if I am, say, eating my raisin bread, & I drop crumbs all over my shirt and one crumb drops x underneath my shirt & I try to discreetly pick it out. Am I not the only person who feels like I am being watched this way? not that this is all the time, just recently, while I am still thinking of the same person & wondering if I should think of a new person, or try to think of no one.

oh, & today i used the schools mac & it seriously made me hate having windows aha.

jesus christ, i havent posted in like 3 weeks. (thanks to being grounded & my computer being messed up). life so far has been filled with so many ups & downs, & drama & idiotic people. sooo much stuff has happened. good & bad. friendships are crumbling. friendships are forming. secrets are spilling. peoples true colors are coming about. lies has been told. my life seriously needs to be on MTV or some shit.

one time in 9th grade i told everyone that my bestfriends house caught on fire and she was homeless & needed money..and ALOT of people donated. but i just wanted money to get her in six flags.

i have a huge crush & this person likes me back, but he goes with my bestfriends sister. this should be interesting.

my crush randomly gave me a hug today, it made my day! :D

homecoming was fun ♥

fuck anyone who's ever stabbed you in the back. fuck all the times that you thought you meant more to someone than you actually did. fuck falling for someone only to have them crush you. fuck teachers and their high expectations of you. fuck parents who think they know what's best. fuck anyone who's ever tried to tell you what to do. fuck anything that's ever come in the way of your happiness. fuck them all.

i love irony.

"once you realize that you can do anything... you're free. you can fly. nobody can touch you... nobody"

"
dream boy

i just woke up all the sudden, only slept for 3 hours. i had the best dream though about some fictional boy that liked all the things i did and we cuddled one night in the forest, like in the book dream boy, next to the cemetery where the moonlight highlighted his body. i’m wide awake now and its six in the morning. i probably woke up because it’s the happiest i’ve been in a long time, i thought it was real…. how pathetic

"


SERIOUSLY?
SERIOUSLY?
S E R I O U S L Y?

HOW FUCKING IRONIC IS IT THAT I STUMBLED ACROSS THIS ON SOME RANDOM TUMBLR.

dont you hate when you have a really really amazing dream, then you wake up and you realize it was just a dream? fuck.

school is tiring. i fucking hate it. its tiring both physical & mentally. and like, im starting to not to like this school. all everyone does is bring down everyone and talk about the way people look & dress & its taking its toll on me. its like everyone wants you to be perfect. this is a reason why i fucking hate black people, they're so negative.

"the minute you ever tell me, "LET ME TALK" ill knock your fucking teeth out and you'll have nothing but GUMS, they'll be all over the fucking house, the bathroom, kitchen, amirs room. AND if you find them, ill fucking crush them and say, "THOSE AINT YOURS"i dare ya. i dare ya. TRY ME"

my mom is clinically insane. i love it.

"I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child"

"

i pick up unwanted pennies and save them in a clear jelly jar so that they find shelter in being together with the other lonely pennies. no one cares about them anymore, even a quarter might find it relates, but i think you'd like them because you seem to understand what it feels like to be a penny, even though you are a dollar coin. your lips are chapped when i stand closer to you & i like it because it tells me that you are not invincible to these harsh winds. but from a distance, you seem so flawless, but you are just like the rest of us. i aspire to be just like you because i want to be someone else's muse when they feel uninspired. "

yesterday i had so much fun @ the mlk football game yesterday. it seriously felt so good to be back with all my friends & be surrounded with people i just love. <33 fuck arabia mountain.